Well... Im back! Actually Ive been back for quite some time. Many of you have seen me so many times since Ive been back that we've already shared all the stories and fallen back into the silent mutual indifference from whence we came...!
But anyhoo, I went to Athens. My first abroad adventure alongside someone else, which was a new experience for me. Credit where its due, he was a near ideal travelling companion. Low maintenance, amusing company, organised where I failed to be organised, and always ready to explore. Its me. Im the pain in the ass! Ive been alone for 27 years and Im not going to pick up the gift of teamwork within a few days. Many a time did I halt in my pace, look around and realise something was missing... But it went pretty well, overall.
The journey was as journeys tend to be... a long-winded non-event punctuated by intermissions of disorientation and general "where-the-fuck...?"edness. At Gatwick Airport I set off the metal detector and was systematically led to one side by a woman who then gave me a body frisking so meticulous it left me feeling like I should slip a twenty under her belt strap. Walking the bridge onto the plane I was yet again greeted by that foolishly abandoned panel of interesting looking lights and buttons, including my old friend "The big red button" which my imagination tells me must do something incredibly catestophic and - consequently - really cool! Whereas my link to reality mumbles that if it were that hazardous the air-flight crew would never leave it unguarded as dozens of bored people queue next to it.
The flight took around 4 hours, ofwhich every second I spent wedged between 2 people, with no inflight TV or music (Curse you EasyJet!) I resorted to listening to my audio book, describing the psychological symmetry between Dolphins and Primates, and characteristically fell asleep by chapter 4 (for the 5th time... That book works like a charm with my insomnia!)
Athens was not what I expected. I went there for the Ancient Greek ruins and temples. Ergo, I was expecting to be greeted by a land not too dissimilar from the landscape of "Oblivion" on the Xbox/PS3. Yknow, lush rolling hills of green puncutated by ancient slabs and pillers of white marble...!
Yeah, that wasnt Athens.
Athens is a city, and not a particularly pretty one at that! Its terrifying! At least, the part we were staying in was. Turned out our district was something of an "Immigrant Central". ie, "The people who had to flee their country because my people was bombing them." Or at least so their story would go. But either way, we weren't popular, and walking around the area at night tended to feel more like a Thrill-Seekers Excursion than a Tourists search for recognisable food that wasnt a poxy kebab or croissant! I lost weight on this holiday. Fortunately not due to some primative Kosovan Ritual Dismemberment.
On with my critique... The buildings are dirty and uninspired, its streets narrow and cluttered, its people rude and obnoxious, and its traffic.... well, I strangely consider its traffic a plus! They say "God works in mysterious ways" which is all the more applicable to the disconcertingly religious Athenians and their approach to the Highway code. I believe god endowed these people with the motor vehicle as a means of "thinning the herd". They have no concept of road safety or etiquette at all. Red light - Green light - There did not appear to be any obvious comprehension among road users of a difference. The single prevailling Law of the road, for Motorists and Pedestrians alike, appears to be "Go! Go! GO!!!"
I managed to repress my inner loner for pretty much the entire week, but on the second to last day I had to cut-and-run for a few hours. The only time in my existance inwhich I have spent as much time in the company of just one other person with no break in between was.... Hell, thats never happened!! I would need to be chained and hobbled in some "Misery"-esque fashion for me to even allow it to happen. I am a self-designated Loner. Not because I enjoy my own company, but simply because I bloody hate everybody elses!
So anyway, I excused myself and retraced my steps on the red line (We mastered the Metro system. Go us!) to visit the souvenier shops surrounding the acropolis. I watched the sun set over the ruins on the hill. And on my slow meander back I found a pub. 2 pubs in fact. And before I found my hotel room I found my hotel bar, wherein I formed a very brief but very companionable friendship with the Barman who I remember most persistantly referring to as "Renault" which was, in sober hindsight, not even a close approximation of his actual name. Irrespective, he served me a pint and a half glass of beer - followed by another, with the information that it was Happy Hour...
2 hours later I fell back into my revolving hotel room, said something along the lines of "Sh'lellow Dmug" as I cruised down the wallpaper to land in a crumpled heap of drunken giggling frizz on the floor, and all was well from that point.
Good holiday. I do love a bit of ancient history. I found that my favoured period of Greek Art was around the 500BC era. I learnt a little more than I already knew about the Gods and their legends. I took many many many pictures of old buildings. And I developed a lingering sentimental fondness for travelling the Public Transport system of an early hour with a Massimo Starbucks Cappuccino cradled in my cold little hands (And they say us English folk cant integrate!)
Im glad I went. But the next place I go will be warmer and better planned.
It will be either Egypt or South America, at this moment in time...!
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