My first real holiday.
By real, I mean one which didnt consist of me getting absolutely off my nut on free local beers by the pool of a spanish all-inclusive hotel - dont get me wrong, it was fun, but Travel it was not!
I went to South Africa! ;o) And I did it alone!
Initially I asked Emma (now disbanded friend. Very unreliable, selfish, and brain-achingly shallow) who claimed it was too dirty. Then Jay, who claimed it was too expensive. And... well... I didnt know anyone else.... so off I toddled into the great unknown all by my tod, arrangements helped greatly by Sally (Im not disguising her name because I fully encourage people to use her help) at Key2 holidays.
I wanted to do the safari thing... see a real life Giraffe... and a real life elephant... and real life everythings that I had previously only seen on the telly! But I also wanted to Whale Watch. And Shark Cage Dive. Which was done many many miles away, and caused Sally much brainache when I told her I wanted it all all all and cheap cheap cheap. She said it wouldnt be cheap. I asked how much. She told me....
.... For a little while I wouldnt talk to Sally! Clearly she was planning to use the ample commission off my ridiculously-expensive holiday quote to build a new conservatory... or a Death Star. She probably could have afforded to.
But alas, I went back, and was glad I did. I spent 4 days in a Safari Camp in Hoedspruit (Middle south africa. Stayed in a tent in a tree. with a shower. And met a new friend along the way in the form of Ranger Arren)
After 3 days of sitting in torrential rain, upon the rocky shore of an abandoned coast I had to agree.
I did have a sea-facing room though, and the whales frollicked openly out in the sea, which was magnificent.
I went Sea Kayaking in Hermanus. Actually, it was labelled "Whale Watching by Kayak" and we did indeed pursue a whale.... until we found it.... at which point we panicked and Kayaked out of its belly-flopping way pretty pronto. I discovered my first Bluebottle... which is a Jellyfish. It stings. Actually, it tingles a little bit - THEN it stings - THEN your arm goes numb, and at that point - if youre me - you finally notice something blue and jelly-like has slid down your oar and is currently wrapped around the forearm which you no longer can feel.
"Uh, question!" I calmly asked my fellow Kayak instructor who sat in the front of the Kayak. "What is this?" and waved my now-back-to-having-some-feeling-and-really-not-enjoying-the-sensation-of-it arm in front of him.
"Youve got a BlueBottle wrapped around your oar." He informed me equally calmly whilst looking in the opposite direction. True enough, on the other end of my oar was yet another stingy thing making its way down to my remaining good arm. And that is how I found out what a BlueBottle was. Along with SudoCrem.
I wake up on my last day in Hermanus and am picked up by my transport to go Shark Cage diving. This is effectively the whole purpose of my trip and due to the unpredictability of nature, spotting them is not a guarantee. Im almost sick with nerves, and I honestly cant tell if Im nervous about the prospects of coming face to face with the 6ft killing machine I have always been in awe and fear of, or if Im more nervous about the prospect of having come all the way out here and going back with the devastating news of "I didnt see one."
The minibus picks up around 12 of us before taking us to the base, where we are given tea, wet suits and a very stern orientation, before heading us out on a boat that doesnt look nearly large enough for purpose.
Ive never traversed the sea in a small boat before. When it hit high speed the waves became surprisingly choppy, and the boat became filled with laughter, falling bodies, and impending vomit.
The latter all the more so as the boat slows to a stop. This is it! I clamber to the roof of the boat for an aerial view while the skipper chums the water. For a disconcerting amount of time nothing happens and I find myself despondently trying to formulate a way of putting a positive spin on the fact I never saw my shark to the folks back home.
Then I see it. A hint of something cutting through the gentle waves of the pale blue water a short way from the boat and coming closer. Its a 5ft shadow under the water. Small for a Great White, but still epic by my experience.
The first group hurries to get into the cage, while I take the photos I refuse to leave without. I concede I almost dont get into the cage. Its not fear. I have just spent so many years staring hopefully into just about every kind of body of water for the sign of a fin or a giant shadow gliding beneath the surface that its hard to tear myself away from it now that it's actually happening.
Nonetheless, I get in. Casually note that bite marks on the blue foam INSIDE the cage. Okay, now I'll admit I'm a bit scared.
Its cumbersome getting into and out of the cage. We wear flippers, because the cage is deep, and we are meant to drop to the bottom of the cage every time a shark passes by, so that we can get the epic underwater view of them, then swim our way back to the top again for air when the shark has passed. We have goggles, but no breathing apparatus as the bubbles of scuba gear repel the sharks (worth knowing!) and a snorkel is positively useless 3ft underwater.
The fact is, you cant climb shit in flippers. True story.
The sharks get bigger as the event goes on, and I finally see my seven-footer cruising past the cage. We're meant to stay underwater, but as it rises to take the bait next to the cage I cant resist a surface shot. I never got the photo, but I will never forget the huge head, black eyes, mouth full of inch long razor teeth as the mouth pulled back and over-exposed the gums as the Great White gnawed at the bait 4ft away from my face.
The journey back to the base is full of an exhausted exhilaration I have never before experienced. Im on a high. I had DEFINITELY been nervous I would not have seen one.
The Shark Cage Diving folk were kind enough to drop me and my luggage off at my new hotel on the way back from our excursion. Sally had failed to mention the prestige of my last hotel (It wasnt a room, I had a suite. 1 bedroom, 1 sitting room, 1 bathroom and a walk-in wardrobe which was a room in itself) so in I toddled dragging my bedraggled 8 day old luggage, smelling of fish, sea and safari, completely destroying the ambiance of the softly-lit, gilded Reception Area complete with piano player. I managed to knock over 2 ornaments on the way in. One which I rather loudly proclaimed to be a "C*ck-sucking bitch!" (It in fact was a Deer, but these things are easy to get mixed up in times of stress, anger and exhaustion)
Cape Town was lively. It was a city. Again I stayed on the coast because my heart belongs to the sea and if I get too far away from it I might just start to hyperventilate. I.... didnt like Cape Town. It was an experience, and possibly if youre a lively, happy, chatty, meety-people type of individual you would reap the benefits of such a place many-times-over. But me, I wanted to see the world... not a bunch of hotels, restaurants and shops. But the weather at least perked up by then so I was able to meander freely ;o)
I went to South Africa! ;o) And I did it alone!
Initially I asked Emma (now disbanded friend. Very unreliable, selfish, and brain-achingly shallow) who claimed it was too dirty. Then Jay, who claimed it was too expensive. And... well... I didnt know anyone else.... so off I toddled into the great unknown all by my tod, arrangements helped greatly by Sally (Im not disguising her name because I fully encourage people to use her help) at Key2 holidays.
I wanted to do the safari thing... see a real life Giraffe... and a real life elephant... and real life everythings that I had previously only seen on the telly! But I also wanted to Whale Watch. And Shark Cage Dive. Which was done many many miles away, and caused Sally much brainache when I told her I wanted it all all all and cheap cheap cheap. She said it wouldnt be cheap. I asked how much. She told me....
.... For a little while I wouldnt talk to Sally! Clearly she was planning to use the ample commission off my ridiculously-expensive holiday quote to build a new conservatory... or a Death Star. She probably could have afforded to.
But alas, I went back, and was glad I did. I spent 4 days in a Safari Camp in Hoedspruit (Middle south africa. Stayed in a tent in a tree. with a shower. And met a new friend along the way in the form of Ranger Arren)
Then I flew down to southy south africa for a further 3 days in Hermanus (I was sad when I got there. Gone was the sunshine. It was gloomey, rainy and dull) for the whale watching and shark cage diving, then off to Cape Town for a further 4 days because I had heard of it and.... well... actually, Sally made me go. She said aside from my plans (affectionally dubbed "The Shark-Bait idea") to see big fish above and below the surface, there really was bugger all to do in Hermanus.
After 3 days of sitting in torrential rain, upon the rocky shore of an abandoned coast I had to agree.
I did have a sea-facing room though, and the whales frollicked openly out in the sea, which was magnificent.
I went Sea Kayaking in Hermanus. Actually, it was labelled "Whale Watching by Kayak" and we did indeed pursue a whale.... until we found it.... at which point we panicked and Kayaked out of its belly-flopping way pretty pronto. I discovered my first Bluebottle... which is a Jellyfish. It stings. Actually, it tingles a little bit - THEN it stings - THEN your arm goes numb, and at that point - if youre me - you finally notice something blue and jelly-like has slid down your oar and is currently wrapped around the forearm which you no longer can feel."Uh, question!" I calmly asked my fellow Kayak instructor who sat in the front of the Kayak. "What is this?" and waved my now-back-to-having-some-feeling-and-really-not-enjoying-the-sensation-of-it arm in front of him.
"Youve got a BlueBottle wrapped around your oar." He informed me equally calmly whilst looking in the opposite direction. True enough, on the other end of my oar was yet another stingy thing making its way down to my remaining good arm. And that is how I found out what a BlueBottle was. Along with SudoCrem.
I wake up on my last day in Hermanus and am picked up by my transport to go Shark Cage diving. This is effectively the whole purpose of my trip and due to the unpredictability of nature, spotting them is not a guarantee. Im almost sick with nerves, and I honestly cant tell if Im nervous about the prospects of coming face to face with the 6ft killing machine I have always been in awe and fear of, or if Im more nervous about the prospect of having come all the way out here and going back with the devastating news of "I didnt see one."
The minibus picks up around 12 of us before taking us to the base, where we are given tea, wet suits and a very stern orientation, before heading us out on a boat that doesnt look nearly large enough for purpose.
Ive never traversed the sea in a small boat before. When it hit high speed the waves became surprisingly choppy, and the boat became filled with laughter, falling bodies, and impending vomit.
The latter all the more so as the boat slows to a stop. This is it! I clamber to the roof of the boat for an aerial view while the skipper chums the water. For a disconcerting amount of time nothing happens and I find myself despondently trying to formulate a way of putting a positive spin on the fact I never saw my shark to the folks back home.
Then I see it. A hint of something cutting through the gentle waves of the pale blue water a short way from the boat and coming closer. Its a 5ft shadow under the water. Small for a Great White, but still epic by my experience.
The first group hurries to get into the cage, while I take the photos I refuse to leave without. I concede I almost dont get into the cage. Its not fear. I have just spent so many years staring hopefully into just about every kind of body of water for the sign of a fin or a giant shadow gliding beneath the surface that its hard to tear myself away from it now that it's actually happening.
Nonetheless, I get in. Casually note that bite marks on the blue foam INSIDE the cage. Okay, now I'll admit I'm a bit scared.
Its cumbersome getting into and out of the cage. We wear flippers, because the cage is deep, and we are meant to drop to the bottom of the cage every time a shark passes by, so that we can get the epic underwater view of them, then swim our way back to the top again for air when the shark has passed. We have goggles, but no breathing apparatus as the bubbles of scuba gear repel the sharks (worth knowing!) and a snorkel is positively useless 3ft underwater.
The fact is, you cant climb shit in flippers. True story.
The sharks get bigger as the event goes on, and I finally see my seven-footer cruising past the cage. We're meant to stay underwater, but as it rises to take the bait next to the cage I cant resist a surface shot. I never got the photo, but I will never forget the huge head, black eyes, mouth full of inch long razor teeth as the mouth pulled back and over-exposed the gums as the Great White gnawed at the bait 4ft away from my face.
The journey back to the base is full of an exhausted exhilaration I have never before experienced. Im on a high. I had DEFINITELY been nervous I would not have seen one.
The Shark Cage Diving folk were kind enough to drop me and my luggage off at my new hotel on the way back from our excursion. Sally had failed to mention the prestige of my last hotel (It wasnt a room, I had a suite. 1 bedroom, 1 sitting room, 1 bathroom and a walk-in wardrobe which was a room in itself) so in I toddled dragging my bedraggled 8 day old luggage, smelling of fish, sea and safari, completely destroying the ambiance of the softly-lit, gilded Reception Area complete with piano player. I managed to knock over 2 ornaments on the way in. One which I rather loudly proclaimed to be a "C*ck-sucking bitch!" (It in fact was a Deer, but these things are easy to get mixed up in times of stress, anger and exhaustion)
Cape Town was lively. It was a city. Again I stayed on the coast because my heart belongs to the sea and if I get too far away from it I might just start to hyperventilate. I.... didnt like Cape Town. It was an experience, and possibly if youre a lively, happy, chatty, meety-people type of individual you would reap the benefits of such a place many-times-over. But me, I wanted to see the world... not a bunch of hotels, restaurants and shops. But the weather at least perked up by then so I was able to meander freely ;o)
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